Thursday, March 22, 2012

What a week

I'm not even really sure how to start this entry. I have a lot to say, and a lot that people probably don't care to read. But I need to get it in my blog- it will end up going in a blog book, and I want to remember that I got through this. And well, I think it explains a lot more of why I've been so lazy about blogging.

On Feb. 10th, I found out I was pregnant. The tests below were taken on four different days. I liked to see the lines get darker and darker. :)

I was so happy and so excited...but also very worried that something was going to go wrong. I had my blood drawn, and my HCG levels were doubling like they should. Very good signs. I was having tons of pregnancy symptoms, but I was never nauseous. So, I kept worrying. My mom told me when she was pregnant, she was only ever very tired. Well I definitely had that symptom - and a LOT of that. So much - that I feel like the last two months have gone by and I've accomplished nothing because I've been sleeping. So, I stopped worrying and just let it be. I was super excited to go to my doctor appointment on March 16th- I'd be 9 weeks.

Well, that day came...I spent a good part of the morning at the doctor's office, and had three ultrasounds. The consensus: no baby ever developed. I have what they call a blighted ovum.

The definition:
Early pregnancy failure (also known as blighted ovum or anembryonic gestation) is a common cause of miscarriage. It happens when a fertilized egg implants in the uterus but the resulting embryo either stops developing very early or doesn't form at all. Cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. 

 A woman’s body recognizes abnormal chromosomes in a fetus and naturally does not try to continue the pregnancy because the fetus will not develop into a healthy baby. This can be caused by abnormal cell division, or poor quality sperm or egg.

The biggest downside I have found to this type of pregnancy is your body still thinks it's pregnant, so I have hcg levels, I have pregnancy symptoms, I'm still growing a sac inside of my uterus... just no baby. It really feels like I've been putting my body through this for...well, nothing.

Tomorrow, I'll be having a d&c. I don't want to sit around and wait for my body to figure it out. Feeling pregnant, and knowing you're not pregnant, might be one of the hardest things I've had to emotionally deal with.

On top of that, we went to court to fight for our fence to get ripped out, and it didn't go as well as we had hoped. We didn't have to pay all of the $6,000 so that's good, but still - we didn't want to pay anything and had to.

On the bright side of that though, today I found out that I may be able to sell the fence - I have an interested buyer and am hoping it works out.

All in all - this was a lot to handle in one week.

And this brought me to a LOT of conclusions...
1. There are a million things that are worse than what happened to us this week, and we will get through it. This time will pass and we'll learn from it.
2. I have the most caring, loving, understanding, amazing husband out there. FOR REAL.
3. I will always need and want to be with my family - extended and immediate. They are so loving and caring, and so a part of my life. (A special thanks to my mom for flying me home to get me away for a bit.)
4. My sister-in-laws are the best - they put together gifts for me, and showered me with their love. (Natalie and Rachel - I am so grateful for both of you - thank you again!) 
5. I need to focus a lot more attention on myself and the things that I need to get done - like cleaning, making dinner, taking photos, relaxing, blogging, enjoying life, taking vacations, exercising, becoming stress-free, organizing things and keeping them organized.
6. I need to decide things that I've been putting off - like going back to school, and what I really want to be doing with my life - instead of just dreaming about it.
7. I need to be better about staying on track with our budget, so I know we are in a good place financially.
8. I really need to get back to regular blogging and to-do lists - if I don't... I'll never do our taxes. :)

Anyway - I really think this is long enough. And I'm sure it's not everything I wanted to say. BUT, it's a good start. For now, let's just hope that tomorrow goes well!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

V-day 2012

I have the BEST husband in the world. While I was out getting our heart-shaped pizza, he dressed up, set the table - with candles, set-up Call of Duty, and had music playing.

The song playing was the same song he played when he asked me to marry him (Coheed and Cambria - The Suffering).

And lastly, our heart shaped pizza. YUM.

Then he surprised me with a beautiful necklace and earrings - the gems are my birthstones.

He is an absolute sweetheart, and I have the best hubby in the world. 

Sorry ladies, he is taken!

Love you babe!